The Taste Of Pain
by Kari Kurofai
Summary: There's a line we can't cross . . . and we've already crossed it. BerryBirch SLASH
1. Chapter 1

The Taste Of Pain

This one's going to be a bit more adult than my normal warriors slash fics. So you have been warned, I recommend it for only 15 and up. Don't worry though, it's not smut. More like intense foreplay. It will also have a slightly darker air about it.

Berrynose wouldn't lie and say he'd never noticed Birchfall. When they were younger, they'd played together and trained together as apprentices. Birchfall wasn't much older than he was, but Berrynose noticed that he was a lot smaller. Ferncloud said it was because of his malnourishment when the clans were starving back in the old forest. But Birchfall was unusually small. Even when he became a warrior and Berrynose was still an apprentice, he surpassed Birchfall by at least a mouse length.

But it wasn't just that that he noticed his senior warrior. Birchfall was extremely cute. His fur was an unusually light autumn brown. And he had pretty blue eyes. Really, in truth he looked very much like a she-cat. And his size didn't really help in that matter.

"Berrynooose . . ." the wine came from a few fox lengths away from where the cream colored warrior was hunting. "Berrynooose . . . Heeeelllp . . ."

Berrynose rolled his eyes and headed over to where the voice came from. He sighed as he came around the edge of a bush to see Birchfall sitting on the ground, his front right paw raised above the ground and a look on his face like he was being tortured.

"What happened." Berrynose mewed, trying to keep his voice even. The whole scene was already beyond ridiculous.

"I-I got a really big thorn stuck in my paw . . ." Birchfall sniffed.

Berrynose could see the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes and shook his head. "Alright, let me see then." He waited as the older warrior held out his paw, pad up, towards him. Berrynose leaned down and examined the thorn. It was big. But it wasn't really anything to cry over. He'd seen Birchfall come back from battles with wounds way worse than this. Did he just like attention?

The cream furred Thunderclan cat thought about this for a second. Birchfall was extremely spoiled. As the only surviving kit from the disaster in the old forest, everyone treated him with the utmost care. Berrynose sniffed. Well, he hadn't lived in the old forest, why should he pamper this fluff head?

Roughly, he licked the thorn out of his den-mate's paw and spit it out onto the ground. "There, it's out."

"It's bleeding!" the light brown tabby mewed.

Berrynose's eyes narrowed. He leaned forward and grasped the smaller warrior's paw in his own and pulled it towards him. Slowly, and harshly, he began to clean the blood and grit from the small cut the thorn had made. Letting his tongue lash over the wound, as if trying to make it worse. He raised his eyes slightly to try and glimpse how the pampered warrior was dealing with this, and felt shock course through him.

Birchfall's blue eyes were glazed over, and the look on his face . . .it was a look of pleasure.

What the hell? What was wrong with this cat? Licking that hard, it had to hurt, cat's tongues weren't exactly soft. Berrynose gave the warrior's pad a soft bite, and saw him shiver with pleasure.

"He likes pain . . ." he thought. Whining like he does, he wants someone to scold him, to lash out at him. He wants to be treated like a normal cat, and not the survivor of a catastrophe. Maybe, in some way, he wanted to feel even a portion of the pain the siblings he'd left behind felt.

Berrynose bit down again. It made sense when he thought about it. Birchfall shivered, his tail curling around his other paws. The larger warrior felt a smile creep across his face. Swiftly, with the grace given to him by his warrior training, he spun around and pinned Birchfall to the ground beneath him. He could feel his own excitement rising within him.

Beneath him, Birchfall's eyes were wide with shock at the sudden movement. One paw was on Berrynose's shoulder, as if to steady himself during the fall.

The larger warrior pressed his face into the fur on Birchfall's chest. He licked the skin beneath with harsh strokes, biting at it every so often. He could hear the other warrior's accelerated heartbeat against his ears. And he could feel his ragged breathing against his fur as he moved up towards Birchfall's neck.

Closer. He pressed his body against Birchfall's, biting down into the other's neck, feeling the ripple of pleasure that passed through the smaller tom. He shifted his weight a bit, giving himself more areas of access to leave faint bite marks. He didn't bite hard enough to draw blood, just enough for it to hurt. Closer. He shivered as he felt Birchfall's body buckle up against his as he bit down into the cat's cheek. His body pushed up against Berrynose's, begging him . . . Pleading with him to . . .

Berrynose jerked back, pulling away from the warrior in horror. What was he doing?! What the hell had he been doing just now?! He'd almost . . . No. He couldn't think about it. It was wrong. With another Tom . . . It was horribly wrong.

Realization seemed to hit Birchfall at that moment as well. His blue eyes widened in shock, but he didn't move. His chest heaved as he fought to slow his heart rate and breathing down to a normal level, and he glanced at Berrynose.

The cream furred warrior looked away and began to walk back towards the camp. "I'm sorry . . ." he mewed quietly. He picked up his pace, and soon found himself running full speed. By the time he reached camp, he had to lay down outside the entrance as he tried to regain his breath. What the hell was wrong with him?

RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE

Yeah . . . So I hope no one hated it . . . Or was disturbed for life by it. I did put a warning at the top after all. But yeah, this turned out a lot darker than I expected. I turned Birch into a masochist. (not that that's not perverted at all . . . ^-_-^). This wasn't exactly how I planned it to play out. Thorn thing, yes. Foreplay, yes. Birch liking pain, no. in my mind, he's sorta like a Fai kinda character (Tsubasa).

Okay, has anyone noticed how many fricken B names there are in Thunderclan? It's ridiculous. Once they're all warriors, it's gonna be crazy. Brambleclaw, Brackenfur, Berrynose, Birchfall, Bumblekit, Blossomkit, and Briarkit. Firestar's gonna be like "hunting patrol, Berry, er, no, Bramble, no, Briar, shoot, one of you guys, just go. Dammit." I had enough trouble just keeping Berrynose and Birchfall strait in this fic. I kept mixing them up after the first few paragraphs. Sheesh.

Anywho . . . I plan this to be a multi chapter fic, leading up to the events in Sunrise at least. So keep checking in! (and please come back . . . I'm sorry if I ruined your brain . . .) the next chapter won't be out for a little bit. I have to do research. Specifically on when Berry and Birch went into moron mode and crossed the Shadowclan border. DR is the main point of their relationship. XD


	2. Chapter 2

_**The Taste Of Pain: Shame**_

_**Berrynose padded quietly into the camp, carrying a mouse that he had stumbled upon just outside of the entrance. At least now it looked like he'd been hunting. That's what he'd been sent out to do in the first place. And then, that stupid thorn . . . Tabby fur, blue eyes . . .**_

_**No. he shook his head as if to clear the memory from his mind. What the hell was wrong with him? Birchfall was his clanmate, a fellow warrior . . . A tom. It was simply wrong . . .**_

"_**Just one skinny old mouse?" a voice came from beside him, "didn't Brambleclaw teach you about hunting?"**_

_**Berrynose's head jerked up in surprise. His eyes met with a flash of flame colored fur and emerald eyes. "F-Firestar . . ."**_

"_**Brambleclaw was my apprentice and my deputy, I know he taught you the proper techniques," the Thunderclan leader smiled, "Berrynose, is there anything you'd like to talk about?" He watched in amusement as the young warrior's eyes flashed with guilt at his words. "I'll listen."**_

_**The cream furred warrior blinked and bowed his head. How could he talk about something like this to his clan leader? Firestar had a mate and two kits. And everyone had heard the whispered story, told by the nosey Mousefur, of his love for Spottedleaf. Firestar was a perfectly normal tom cat . . .**_

"_**Umm . . .well, say this tom cat was . . .had feelings for another cat . . . But he feels that admitting these feelings is . . .shameful . . . What should he do?" Berrynose mewed quietly. He'd asked it in a hypothetical way, right? And he'd purposely left out the seconed cat's gender.**_

_**Firestar looked at him thoughtfully, "a love that you'd be ashamed of?" His eyes clouded in memories, "yes . . . That is a problem, isn't it . . ."**_

_**The look on his leader's face confused Berrynose, "Firestar . . . Have you ever had someone like that?"**_

_**The firey warrior smiled faintly, a forced smile, "I guess you could say that. A long time ago, I believed in the strength, power, and beauty of one cat. But, I could not ignore the darkness inside that cat's heart. It tore us apart, and eventually, that cat . . . Died . . ."**_

_**Berrynose stared at his leader. He had been sure the warrior was talking about Spottedleaf at first. But now . . .**_

"_**How'd that cat die? Did you . . ."**_

"_**No. Not by my claws. It was . . . I guess it might have been the will of Starclan."**_

_**Firestar closed his eyes as if trying to shut out the dark memory locked deep within him. His ears perked, and he raised his head as a cat entered the camp. "Ah . . . Birchfall's back." he flicked his tail at Berrynose, "Berrynose, I've seen more than my fair share of 'shameful love' in all it's forms in my lifetime. If there's one thing I can tell you, it's this. Great things can come . . .from listening to your heart . . ." he turned his back o the warrior and padded over towards the medicine cat den.**_

_**Berrynose watched him go, still the same amount of confused and angry as he had been before he'd asked his question. Listen to your heart? Bah, his heart wasn't doing anything but pounding like a thousand paws in his chest as Birchfall approached. That kind of pounding, it made him want to run away, not sit here and listen to it.**_

_**Birchfall glanced at him as he set his prey down onto the fresh kill pile. His blue eyes were full of regret and worry, and he quickly turned them away. "Mmm . . .I'm . . . sorry, Berrynose . . ."**_

_**The cream furred warrior's head jerked around towards the tabby. He was sorry? But it was hardly his fault . . . In fact, considering the situation, it was all Berrynose's fault. "Don't be stupid, I was the one who did it. I pushed you down, I . . ." he couldn't say anything else. "It was my fault."**_

"_**I provoked you," Birchfall whispered.**_

_**Berrynose stared at him. What was he saying?**_

_**I knew exactly what I was doing, what effect it might have on you . . ." the tabby mewed almost inaudibly. **_

_**The cream warrior's eyes widened. What was he saying? That couldn't be . . . He'd known**_** what he was doing? That was . . .**

"**You can hate me if you want."**

**Berrynose blinked out of his thoughts. Hate? He could hate him? What kind of thing was that to say?**

**Birchfall backed away and raced out of camp. Berrynose stared after him. He didn't hate him . . . Did he? Wait, where had he run off to just now? They'd just gotten back from hunting. Berrynose stood up in realization. Birchfall had always been overly rash and quick to jump headlong into danger for no apparent reason. He ran out of the camp as fast as he could. **

**He picked up the tabby warriors sent easily enough, being less than a minute behind him. And the trail . . .**

**. . .Led right towards the Shadowclan border . . .**

**RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE.**

**Dun dun dun!!!! A cliff hanger. Wahahaha! Actually, it's not really a cliff hanger if you remember anything about Berry and Birch's relationship . . . Anywho . . . I realized I need to stop abbreviating titles of things. In the last chapter, I said DR. and then I got a question about what I meant by that. The first thing I thought of with those letters was the fanfic Diplomatic Relations. This of course, was the wrong answer.I had meant Dark River. Silly me . . . *headdesk* and that wasn't event the book I needed either.I neede Outcast for my research . . . (stupid) T3T**

**Anyways, I hope u like the story so far, cause I' not sure where I'm going with it. I debated for awhile whether Berry's encouragement in this chapter should be from Firestar, or from Ashfur. But I have no experience with AshSoot yet, so I decided against Ashy . . . Nah . . . Hey, if I made a warriors slash anthology Doujinshi, would anyone buy it? (hypothetically. I have been considering it for some time. The main pairing would be JayBreeze, and it would have stories I saved exclusively for doujins.)**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Taste Of Pain: Blood Spilled**

Berrynose ran through the forest at break-neck speed. He prayed he wasn't too late. Birchfall all on his own couldn't possibly be mistaken for an entire attack force, could he? Berrynose ran faster. He had to hurry. Shadowclan were ruthless, he'd had his own pawfull of experiences with them himself, and none of them pretty.

The one that rang in his mind the most was when he'd been caught in that twoleg trap. He would have _died_ there if Brambleclaw hadn't found him, and Shadowclan would have just stood there and watched . . . Berrynose clentched his teeth together in fury. If they so much as laid a whisker on Birchfall, he'd kill them. He'd tear them to pieces. And if Birchfall died . . .

It would be his fault . . .

The cream furred tom leapt over an old fallen log and skidded to a halt just inside of the Thunderclan border. Birchfall was only a few fox lengths away. He looked up at Berrynose in surprise as the warrior came hurtling out of nowhere.

Berrynose stood there panting. He'd made it. He'd made it in time. "B-Birchfall . . ." his ears pricked as he realized his mistake. That scent, he's thought it was just the border markings. But it was more than that. "Birchfall! Get out of there!"

Shadowclan cats leapt out of the undergrowth and upon the intruder. Berrynose felt horror grip him as they began to tear mercilessly into the smaller cat, three to one. He couldn't move. He had to. He had to do _something_. "No!" Was that his voice? He didn't know.

He raced forward, and felt his claws gouge enemy flesh. _Don't touch him! How dare you lay your filthy paws on him! Get away from him! _He clawed at Ginger fur, and bit down. "Rowanclaw!" He spat, "Get away from him! All of you!" he detached himself from the tom and tried to get at Birchfall, who was being pinned down beneath Russetfur and Oakfur.

"Tresspassers. Why should we?" Russetfur spat.

"It was a mistake!" Berrynose yowled.

"Right. A mistake," she turned her harsh gaze to Birchfall, "Mistakes can kill a clan." Her claws raked down Birchfall's chest

Berrynose screeched and threw himself at her. He clawed at her face, her legs, anywhere he could reach. He could feel Oakfur grab him from behind and drag him to the ground. At this rate . . .

"Stop!"

Berrynose felt the weight of the Shadowclan warriors disappear. He stumbled backwards and tripped over Birchfall, who was lying on the ground. He lay down beside him, listening to the other warrior's rapid heartbeat and breathing. His eyes were closed, but he could tell Birchfall was still conscious. Thank Starclan it hadn't been worse.

"Well?"

The cream furred warrior looked up, noticing Firestar for the first time. Had he been the one who'd yelled earlier? Wait, had that last question been addressed to him? By the icey glare his leader was giving him, he assumed it was. He rose hastily to his paws.

What was he supposed to tell him? That he'd almost forced himself on Birchfall and now then the older warrior had run off? No, that could be bad. "W-we didn't know it was Shadowclan territory . . . You should tell these warriors to renew their scent markers."

"I don't tell warriors of another clan to do _anything_," Firestar hissed, "Berrynose, Birchfall, if you had checked carefully you would have noticed the scent markers up here."

Berrynose flinched. Wrong move.

"They were stealing prey" Rowanclaw mewed.

The cream furred warrior hissed in rage. That was a complete lie! "We-"

"I was stalking a mouse," Birchfall cut in suddenly from where he lay, "until _they_ came along and frightened it off."

Firestar growled in annoyance. Berrynose collapsed on the ground again, tuning out the other cats. It could have been a lot worse. Actually, he was grateful for Firestar's interference for once. But Birchfall was a good liar. He glanced at where the other top stood with his back to him. _Is he angry at me . . . Or at himself . . ._

"We're sorry," Birchfall mewed suddenly, "we promise we won't do it again."

"See that you don't," Blackstar muttered.

_When did Blackstar get here?_ Berrynose groaned as he felt Birchfall push his nose into his side.

"Get up," the autumn furred tabby whispered.

Berrynose rose heavily to his paws. He felt like the world was spinning. He'd fought harder than he ever had before in his whole life. Why? Why had he done that? He shifted his paws, trying to maintain his balance as he walked. When had he started walking? Was Firestar with them? He stumbled in a throng of ivy, and felt a shoulder push him back up.

"Mouse-brain. You shouldn't have come after me," a voice whispered in his ear.

Berrynose blinked, realizing it was Birchfall supporting him. "I couldn't just let you run off like that . . ." he mumbled, "even if I didn't . . ."

"Even if you didn't what?"

" . . . Even if I didn't think that I . . . Was falling in love with you . . ." He murmered.

He heard Birchfall's sharp intake of breath, "do you have any idea what you're saying?"

"Not really," Berrynose admitted, "I don't understand this feeling much. But . . . I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't want to let any cat touch you but me . . . Isn't

that . . . Love?" He closed his eyes. It had to be. He wouldn't have fought so hard if it had just been lust, would he?

Birchfall sat down, and Berrynose realized that they were just outside the camp entrance. "You really are a mouse-brain . . . You can't possibly be happy with me. We can't have kits. Can't even tell anyone about us." He glanced at where the larger warrior was leaning against him, "is that really something you can live with?"

Berrynose laughed, wincing with the pain his wounds dealt with the action, "I really don't think those are the sort of things that love is about." He smiled slightly, "It's more like, being together, listening to each other, sleeping next to each other at night. That sort of thing. No one could see any harm in that, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE

Lalilo . . . This chapter was hard. But it should be smoother sailing now that it's over with. I tried to keep it as close to their actual brawl with Shadowclan as possible. But then again, who's to say that this isn't the truth? (bwehehehe . . .) BerryBirch is practically cannon after all. Hehehe . . .

I'm still finding it hard to resist writing smut in here. Is there even such a thing as warriors smut? Nah? Bet there is. There are perverts everywhere. Maybe I'll do crossover with these two sometime . . . Hmmm . . .

Anywho sorry for the delay. I've been working on my crossover masterpiece Connected Dream. If u haven't looked at it yet, please do. It really is my baby. (JayBreeze and BerryBirch and FireTiger are my babies too of course.) but then I got stuck on chapter four . . . Yay . . . Let's just say that my luvly Neji is a hard person to write. . . (ah, Neji-chan, I still loooovvveeee u!)

New chapter soon! Promise! I just have to survive my AP tests and math final first . . . *dies*

Reviews are lovely. They're like author encouragement cookies. Please feed the author. :O

Especially when said author has finals.


	4. Chapter 4

The Taste Of Pain: Heartbeat

**Berrynose limped, exhausted, into the warriors den. He'd just been in Leafpool's den, and his body was covered in pulp and polyjuice from her treatment of his wounds. Part of him still regretted the fact that he'd resorted to such measures against Shadowclan, but the other part of him was glad. If he hadn't chased after Birchfall, if he hadn't tried to defend him with his life, things could have gotten really bad. Birchfall could have been really hurt back there, and Berrynose had saved him. Pride flared in his chest as he thought that.**

**The cream furred warrior's ears pricked as he heard the branches protecting the warriors den rustled and parted. Birchfall walked in, flinching as a branch raked across the wound bound in cobwebs across his chest. Berrynose jumped up and touched noses with him. "Hey, you okay?"**

**Birchfall looked away, his ears feeling hot with embarrassment. "Mnn, **

**fine . . ." he sat down, curling his tail over his paws. "You're the one who should really be resting though. Your wounds are worse than mine." He glanced at Berrynose, a guilty look in his eyes.**

**Berrynose's eyes narrowed at the look in the smaller tom's eyes. "Stop that, it isn't your fault that I got hurt." He smiled and pressed his nose into the side of Birchfall's cheek, "I'm proud of these wounds. And if they become scars, I'll wear them with even more pride. I got these defending you . . ."**

**His eyes scanned the den, "Do you think Mousewhisker would mind if I switched your nest and his?" He looked at the various moss nests on the ground, as if thinking about it. "Nah . . . I don't think he'll care." he turned his smile to Birchfall, "we should sleep next to each other, kay? I don't think any cat would have objections about that."**

**Birchfall nodded, " all right . . ." he nosed the nest of Berrynose's brother over and switched it with his own clump of moss. He nestled down in it and glanced beside him to where Berrynose was laying. The cream furred tom looked like he was on the edge of consciousness, his eyes flickering with exhaustion. **

**He looked up at Birchfall and smiled, "don't stare at me like that, I'm fine. Just tired, ya know?" He wrapped a paw around the smaller tom's shoulder's and pulled him down towards him. "Let's just get some rest, kay?" He licked Birchfall's cheek affectionately.**

**Birchfall closed his eyes and sighed. It felt good, to let Berrynose be near him like this, touch him like this. But deep down, he had the nagging feeling that this wouldn't turn out well, no matter what Berrynose had said. He leaned unconsciously into Berrynose's touch.**

**Berrynose purred at the reaction. He dipped his head down to bite softly at Birchfall's neck, remembering just the right amount of pain the smaller tom liked. He could hear both of their heartbeats mingled together. Fast, excited, and most of all, content. As long as they could be near each other like this, everything would be just fine.**

**Honeypaw skipped across the open ground between the fresh kill pile and the warriors den. It would still be at least a moon until she was a warrior, she knew that, but it would be worth the wait. She had already claimed the nest closest to Berrynose, she'd told her sisters so at least a thousand times already. She placed the squirrel she had been carrying just outside the warriors den. **

**She'd heard that Berrynose and Birchfall had been scratched up in a border fight with Shadowclan earlier that day, and she thought she should reward him. Well, reward Berrynose anyways. Who cared about Birchfall. She waited for a seconed, gathering up her courage, taking a deep breath before she called, "Berrynose!"**

**The golden furred cat waited a moment for a reply. But there was none. She flicked her tail in annoyance, Leafpool had said that she told him to rest for the remainder of the day. So that meant he had to be here. She called again, "Beeerrrrryynoooosseee!!!" that had to be loud enough this time.**

**Still no answer. Maybe he was sleeping. She smiled at this. Maybe she could curl up next to him while he was sleeping . . . She picked up the squirrel and trotted into the den, excited by the prospect.**

**The squirrel dropped from her mouth. Berrynose was indeed sleeping, but the cream furred warrior wasn't alone. Birchfall was curled tightly between his paws, also fast asleep. Honeypaw's eyes widened. Two warriors didn't sleep like that, mates didn't even sleep like that most times.**

**Her eyes narrowed. This was weird. It wasn't normal. Berrynose was **_**hers**_**. And she definitely wasn't about to let someone else have him. Especially not Birchfall.**

**RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE**

**Dumdidum . . . Sorry it was such a short chapter. But I just wanted a light fluff chapter with an intro to the "villain". Yes, I hate Honeypaw, sorry. She was only kinda cool in Sunrise, but that's it. XP**

**And I think she manipulate Berry and Birch with blackmail . . . . Rarh! Anywho . . . I have writer's block for this story for now, so it will be on hold for a bit . . . Send me inspiration please!!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**The Taste Of Pain: Like Honey And Water**

Birchfall's eyes cracked open as light trickled through the bracken that covered the warriors den. He blinked slightly, realizing that it was afternoon light, rather than morning. His paws stretched out lazily before him, and he stood up. Shaking his fur to dislodge any moss that may be stuck on it, he glanced down at the other cat who was still snoring at this time of day.

Berrynose was curled in a tight ball in the nest beside his own. His cream furred back rose and fell with his quiet - _or not so quiet_, Birchfall thought as Berrynose let out another snore - breathing. The autumn furred warrior smiled faintly.

He really couldn't believe that everything that had happened yesterday had been real. It seemed to . . . Good. To good to be true really. But if the soreness of his paw pad, and the cobwebs bound tightly around his chest weren't enough of a reminder, then he didn't know what else was.

Birchfall shook his head with a slight mewl of laughter as Berrynose snored loudly again. He craned his head down, and touched his nose to the top of the sleeping warrior's head. He took a moment to relish in the feeling, before heading out of the den.

He padded outside, and sighed as the afternoon sun hit his fur. Yesterday had been rather chilly, but today promised good weather and good hunting. He shook his fur again, and wondered if he should eat breakfast first, or go hunting.

His stomach growled in reply, and he headed over to the fresh kill pile. He pulled out a squirrel, and wondered whether he should take something over to Berrynose, but decided that sleep was more important for the fluff-head anyways.

As he carried the squirrel over to a his favorite eating place, on the far side of the medicine cat's den, his mind clouded with thoughts and emotions. He and Berrynose were . . . _Together_ . . . Right? He choked on some of the squirrel's fur at the thought. But what did that mean? Did it mean that they lo . . . Loved each other? Birchfall dropped the squirrel and sat down, remembering that that was _exactly_ how the other warrior had described it yesterday. He bit in the squirrel and tried to forget about that for awhile.

But it kept coming back to him. They definitely weren't just friends anymore. So were they . . . Mates? He choked on a bite he was halfway through swallowing at the thought. Berrynose hadn't said that, _had he?_

"I didn't know that spitting your food back out was a hobby of yours Birchfall," a voice beside him mewed sarcastically.

Birchfall looked up at the speaker, his eyes raking over the familiar gray flecked fur and blue eyes. "Oh . . . Ashfur . . ."

The gray furred warrior sat down beside him, "that was the seconed time you did that. I didn't know that I should have taught you that wasting food, especially spitting it out, is bad." Ashfur's eyes narrowed in amusement.

"Sorry . . ." Birchfall whispered.

Ashfur flicked a tail over his former apprentice's ears affectionately. "Don't worry about it. Anyways, what I really wanted to ask you was what the heck got into that mouse-brain of yours yesterday. Crossing the Shadowclan border? Now I _know_ I taught you better than that."

Birchfall looked away, "well . . . I . . . uh . . ." he glanced at the older warrior. He could tell him, right? At least a little bit. Ashfur wouldn't tell anyone, would he?

"Ashfur . . . What if . . . What if a tom-cat loved . . . Another tom?" Birchfall hit himself mentally. _Did I just say love? I did, didn't I. Mouse dung._

The older warrior's eyes widened, and then narrowed. "Starclan . . . Has never approved of love like that, Birchfall . . ."

"What do you mean?" Birchfall felt his heart sink. Surely Starclan would understand . . .

"I know that you've heard the stories of Graystripe's love for Silverstream, and how that ended. As well as the story of Firestar and Spottedleaf. Those stories are true stories, of forbidden love. And in every single one, some cat dies. You remember when Leafpool ran away, right? When you were first an apprentice? And how Cinderpelt _died._ That was Starclan's punishment for Leafpool's love for Crowfeather." His eyes were cold, and full of an anguish Birchfall could not understand. "And take forbidden love one step further, and the same thing happens. Only this time, there will be no kits to keep you going, no stories honoring your love. Nothing. Just death."

His eyes glazed over, "and there's more of those hidden stories than you think. A few that you may have even heard, though the truth beneath them isn't known. A bond between rivals, enemies . . ." His eyes strayed to the highledge, "like Firestar and Tigerstar. That ended in death too." He looked towards where Brambleclaw was talking to a group about to depart for a patrol, "and Brambleclaw too. Why is it, that even though his best friend is staying with us for now, they hardly even talk? Because their feelings run deeper than friendship, and they know the price Starclan would give them for it."

"And that night . . . When Cinderpelt died . . . I paid a price as well . . ." Ashfur's eyes glazed over even further, "It was my fault that Sootfur was killed that night. It was our price for something so wrong." He glanced at his former apprentice again, "so if you plan to proceed, be aware of the fact that Starclan will have a price for your sin."

Birchfall backed away from his former mentor and stumbled farther out into the clearing. That couldn't be the truth, could it? It was all just coincidence that all that had happened, right? Starclan wouldn't be so . . . So cruel . . . Would they?

His eyes rose to the cats milling about the camp. Were there any others like him now? Cat's who were still alive? His wandering gaze stopped as he realized someone was staring at him. Or more like, glaring.

He looked up into amber eyes and golden fur as Honeypaw approached him. She didn't stop as she passed him, but her muzzle brushed briefly with his ear, and he heard her whisper, "watch where you step, you disgusting shetom."

RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE

Yaaaaayyyy . . . New chapter . . . . I really did have total brain damage after finals for this story, sorry. I promise to have more chapters faster. I swear. I decided that Ashfur should be the one to talk to Birchfall. (he is his old mentor, right???) which made me realize that . . . warriors is morbid. And Vicky really likes to throw in forbidden love, and then slaughter some kitties afterwards. Even in our "make believe" slash, there's death because of it. Woah.

Anywho . . . The hardest part of this chapter was the last word of it. I wanted Honeypaw to make up a word that would sound, and be, just as demeaning as "fag" basically. (god I hate even typing that word). But the first thing I thought of was "tommate" like Tom and then Mate. A male cat that was a mate with another basically. But it sounded, and looked like Tomato. And that's what the damn spell check changed it to too. So I went with the not so original shetom. Bleh. new chapter soon, promise.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Taste Of Pain: Claws To The Heart**

Jaypaw shuffled through the herbs in the back of the medicine cat's den. "Coltsfoot . . . Dock . . . Poppy- no, there's no poppy seeds. Mousedung." He sat up and flicked his tail back in forth with annoyance. "Why didn't Leafpool restock those while I was away? Do I have to do _everything_ around here? Sheesh!" He turned his head around as the sound of pawsteps reached his ears. "Who is it? Don't bring any hurt cats in here! I'll shred you!"

Birchfall poked his head into the crevice where the herbs were stored, "isn't that what you're for though?" He asked quizzically.

The gray furred medicine cat apprentice sighed, "yes. But I'm out of poppy seeds. So everyone will be in excruciating pain until I get some." He flicked his tail at his own sarcasm, slightly amused. "So. What brings you here Birchfall?"

Birchfall looked away, pointedly avoiding the question, "nothing really. Mind if I help you get supplies?"

Jaypaw's eyes narrowed. Birchfall, unlike Jaypaw's stubborn mentor, couldn't put up a barrier around his feelings. They flowed out of the warriors mind like the waterfall in front of the Tribe's cave. "Fine," Jaypaw said finally, "I could use an extra paw or two I guess." He paused, wondering how quickly he could worm the truth out of Birchfall, "should I ask Berrynose to come along as well?"

"No!" it was said so swiftly, that for a second Birchfall wondered who had said it, before realizing that he had. "I mean . . . He's busy . . . Okay?"

"That's fine then," Jaypaw said slowly, "let's go." He led the way out of the cave and across the camp with a speed that could probably give Sandstorm a challenge, despite his blindness. Birchfall padded after him at a reasonable pace, as they made their way out into the forest.

Jaypaw walked a few paces ahead of him, poking among various herbs every now and then. His ears flicked back to where Birchfall was watching him. Going straight to the point hadn't worked, so maybe sidetracking could get the warrior to talk. "So . . ."

He drew out the word lazily, like he wasn't prying at all, "Anything interesting happen while I was in the mountains for a moon?"

Birchfall's eyes flickered a moment. A moon. Yeah, it had been a little over a moon since Berrynose had admitted that he was in love with him, hadn't it. It had been good . . . Sleeping next to each other, hunting together, eating together. The autumn furred tabby warrior had tried not to let Ashfur's warning weigh on his mind. But something else had. Something that had been hissed at him daily while Brambleclaw and his children had been gone. First it had been just been Honeypaw, no, Honeyfern now. But then Poppyfrost had followed her sister's lead, and then Mousefur. How long would it be before the word was whispered around the clan? How long before Berrynose too, caught hold of that word? Shetom . . ."

"Umm . . . Jaypaw? What would you do if . . . If someone called you . . . Well, if they called you a . . . Shetom . . ." Birchfall coughed as he said the last word. It hurt his heart even to say it.

Jaypaw looked back at him, and Birchfall was surprised to see fierce anger in his eyes. "Did someone call you that Birchfall?"

Birchfall shuffled his paws among the ferns at his littering the ground, "yes," he whispered.

The silvery-gray apprentice's tail flicked in anger, "I'd probably claw their eyes out. But since that might get me kicked out of the clan . . ." he thought a moment, weighing his options, "Birchfall . . .you should tell Berrynose."

The warrior looked u at him, alarmed, "wha-what?"

"Most of the clan may be oblivious," Jaypaw scoffed, "but I'm not." He stopped, knowing that the other cat must be gaping at him in horror. "I won't tell anyone you know. That's not my business to tell." He flicked his tail off towards the direction the Thunderclan camp lay in, "now get going. I can handle myself out here."

He listened as the warrior's pawsteps faded away back into the forest. "They're not as lucky . . . They can't hide it like I can . . ." He shifted his paws and raised his face to let a gentle summer breeze wash over him, "they can't walk freely through dreams . . ."

Birchfall padded across the clearing in the center of camp. His pawsteps were slow, and deliberate. He wouldn't let the accusing, and scornful eyes of Sorreltail's oldest daughters get to him today, he couldn't let them. He made his way over to where the cream furred warrior was sprawled out in the shade beneath one of the taller rocks on the edge of the quarry. He wouldn't look up at those stares, not today. Not ever again.

His pawsteps lead him past where Whitewing was laying beside the high ledge with Leafpool. His eyes flickered over to her, and he saw her smile at him. A sad, but encouraging smile. He was glad at least Whitewing would stay his friend. Even if he was about to do something really, really stupid.

Berrynose looked up as the smaller warrior approached him. His eyes gleamed with happiness, and he motioned with his tail for the other cat to come sit with him.

Birchfall walked towards him, slow, deliberate steps. _Don't go back. I Have to keep going forward. It's to late to rethink this . . . _He stopped a few paces short of the cream furred warrior, and then walked forward the last few steps.

And then, in front of the entire clan - well, at least the clan that wasn't out hunting or anything - he bent down and touched his nose to the cream furred warrior's. "I love you," He whispered, in a not so quite whisper. His ears flicked as he heard Honeyfern hiss in surprise, but he didn't look up.

Berrynose stared at him for a moment, his open mouth slowly spreading into a smile. He reached up a paw and curled it around the autumn furred shoulders and pulled the smaller warrior down towards him. "Never thought you'd say that for the first time in front of the whole clan. But if you want it that way . . ."

Birchfall buried his face in the cream fur of Berrynose's neck. "It's fine like this. If everyone knows . . . It's okay . . ."

RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE

. . . . Or not . . . We can't just leave you all happy-happy-sugar-coated-fairies-and-gay, can we Berry and Birchy? Sorry. The next chapter will be very . . . Very dark . . . Ooohhhh noooooo!!!! (I'm not joking tho. Heh.)

Has anyone read the newest Seekers book yet? Did anyone else think that Lusa and Toklo would be sooooo cute together? Right? Right? The whole book seemed to be filled with fluff between those two! It would be sad if there was no love in Seekers just cause they're all different species of bear. That would be boring. I loved it when Lusa said, "I'm afraid something will happen to you . . . All of you I mean . . ." hahahahaha. Denial! I want to write a fanfic of them. Maybe I will. (OMG, het fanfic from Kari?!?!? The world is ending!!!!)


	7. Chapter 7

The Taste Of Pain: Cracked Mirror

**Birchfall walked through the forest at Berrynose's side. It had been a quarter moon since he'd told the cream furred tom that he was in love with him in front of most of the clan, and things were turning out better than he expected. As they walked, he leaned against the larger warrior, fur brushing fur.**

**Berrynose smiled, and licked the autumn furred tabby's ears. "you're scaring all the prey away purring like that," he murmured. "And you're making me trip."**

**The smaller tom pointedly shoved his front paws beneath Berrynose's, making the both fall over into the undergrowth. He laughed, as the cream furred tom glared playfully down at him from where they had fallen, sprawled together over the grass and ferns.**

**Berrynose smirked and pressed his face into the fur of his companions chest, "Firestar will have our heads if we don't bring something back this time."**

"**So?" Birchfall challenged, wiggling around in Berrynose's grip slightly suggestively.**

"**So," Berrynose said, ignoring the movement, "I happen to like my head. And it's nearly leaf fall. we have to hunt," he licked the smaller tom's cheek. "Tomorrow though. I'll arrange to have us on the moonhigh patrol . . ." he leaned over so that his muzzles was only a hair's breadth from Birchfall's ear. " . . . alone . . ." he breathed.**

**Birchfall shivered, and let Berrynose go so the larger warrior could get up. "Fine . . ." he said, pretending to pout. He smiled, and flicked his tail towards the southwest edge of the territory, "I'll go that way. There's some coltsfoot over there too, and I owe someone a thank you anyways."**

**The autumn furred warrior bounded away through the bracken, towards the place where he'd seen the plant a few sunrises ago. It was because of Jaypaw that the two of them could act like this so openly, and he really did owe him one. As he approached the rocky outcropping that over looked the edge of the lake, he sidestepped a patch of heather. There was a fox trap there that the warriors had yet to get rid of, and he wasn't about to get caught in it.**

**But as he did so, he felt a lurch, as his back right paw slid into a cold metal loop. He shrieked as the loop drew closed, and tugged him backwards onto his stomach. He twisted his head around to see the trap. It was newly placed, the dirt around the edges still freshly churned up. And it lacked the twoleg smell the other ones did.**

**He struggled in it's grip, and whimpered as the metal cut past his fur and down into his skin. At this rate, he'd loose the paw, just like Berrynose had lost the end of his tail. He craned his head around, remembering how the cream furred warrior had told him how Brambleclaw had dug out the stake holding the wire. But from this position, he couldn't reach it.**

**Maybe he should call for help. But Berrynose was on the opposite side of the territory by now. And the sun was setting, which meant most of his clan mates were eating right now.**

**Suddenly, the bushes to his right rustled. He pricked his ears, hope flaring in him. "Berrynose?"**

**But the cat that emerged was not Berrynose, but rather, the last cat he wanted to see. Honeyfern's golden eyes lit up as she took in the sight before her. "Oh! Poppyfrost, come look at this!"**

**The seconed sister emerged from the bushes, and followed the first's gaze. "so that's what that wail was a little while ago."**

**Honeyfern smirked, "poor thing . . ."**

**Birchfall's ears flattened against the back of his head, " . . . can you help me get out of here . . .?"**

"**Look," Poppyfrost grinned, "it's in pain."**

"**We should help it," Honeyfern said, in a voice that made Birchfall shiver. And not the good kind of shiver he got from Berrynose. "We should . . ." she flicked her claws out, watching them glisten in the light of the setting sun, " . . . put it out of it's misery."**

**Her claws raked out across the top of the small warrior's ears. **

**Blood dripped down Birchfall's face, and he felt a sob of fear rise in him, "B-Berrynose will . . . He'll come . . ."**

"**Wrong," Poppyfrost hissed, "he's already gone back to camp." She raised a paw, and brought it down across the tom's shoulder, the ground splattering with blood.**

"**We don't like shetoms like you," Honeyfern mewed coldly, scoring her claws down the warrior's side painfully slow. "Maybe this will teach you a lesson. You never told Berrynose what we were calling you, did you." She smiled, a dark, deadly smile. "Now it's too late. You'll just disappear." She reached over and undid the stake from the ground, removing the wire from Birchfall's leg. "Hold him down Poppyfrost."**

**Honeyfern licked the blood from one of her paws, as her sister pinned the small warrior to the ground. "He won't be sad for very long, you know?" Her golden eyes flashed, "Because Starclan has destined **_**me **_**to be with him. You should have known better than to interfere. You disgusting shetom." She flicked her claws across Birchfall's stomach, watching as he held back a shriek. "So weak," she mused, pulling a claw down the warrior's chest, letting the blood ooze out of the deep gap it left. **

**Birchfall lay there as she did these things to him. So this was what Ashfur had meant. Someone would always die from love like this, and this time . . . It would be him. His blue eyes glazed, and he stared up at the sky, stained red just like his fur and the ground around him. He shivered as he felt Honeyfern claw at him again, but didn't make a sound. **_**If I say anything . . . If I cry . . . I die like a coward. **_**Tears welled in his eyes unbidden, **_**Berrynose . . . I don't want to die . . .**_

"**That's enough," Honeyfern mewed, sounding bored. "Let's just toss him over the edge there," she motioned to the cliff behind them, dropping down towards the lake. **

**Birchfall felt the wind rush past him as he fell, but he couldn't move. Could hardly even breath. He hit the water, and sunk slowly beneath the waves. **_**I'm going to die. Oh Starclan . . . Was our love so wrong that you'd let this happen? It isn't fair . . .**_

"_**No Birchfall!"**_** the voice was so faint, the autumn furred warrior could hardly make it out. It sounded familiar, and he couldn't place it. A voice from long ago.**

"_**Birchfall," the voice said, "this isn't the end! Hold your breath, everything will be alright!"**_

**The warrior held the remaining air in his lungs. His eyes cracked open, and he drew in a flash of brown fur and amber eyes. **_**Shrewpaw . . .? **_**his eyes fell on the two smaller shapes beside the apparition. **_**Larchkit . . . Hollykit . . .**_

**Teeth grasped him around the back of his neck ,and he suddenly felt a rush of air as he was pulled to the surface of the water. He coughed as the cat that had rescued him pulled him up onto the sand at the shore of the lake. **

"**Oh great Starclan," a voice murmured beside him, "Birchfall . . . What did they do to you? I only saw them toss you into the lake, I couldn't stop them . . ." **

**Birchfall looked up a this savior, "Whitewing . . ." he coughed and gagged up some water, "How did you . . ."**

**Her green eyes clouded, "I was led here . . . By a cat . . . I could have sworn . . . It looked just like, like Shrewpaw . . . He said, 'save him. Hurry, save my brother.'" She helped the small warrior to his paws. "but never mind that. We have to tell Firestar. And Berrynose-"**

"**No!" The reply was so sharp, Whitewing flinched. "Don't tell anybody. Tell them I was attacked by a fox, and fell into the lake."**

"**But . . . Why? Firestar would surely-"**

"**It would tear Berrynose apart. He can't know . . ." his eyes filled with tears. **_**And I can never be by his side again. If I return there alive, and pretend like it never happened, they will surely come after Berrynose as well.**_

**RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE**

**. . . . Sadness and tears . . . But I'm trying to stick close to the original books, in the fact that they don't end up together. And I like Whitewing, so she's a good little kitty. Writing a sadistic, evil Honeyfern scared me though. I might have nightmares about that. *shudders* this whole chapter reminded me of the ending to "Brokeback Mountain" *coughs* which I finally watched the other day after I wrote the rough of this chapter. Emo movie.**

**Btw, if u like darker slash/Yaoi stories like this, and are a Naruto fan, check out my new story "Love Rebound." very angsty. It's also my new favorite story I'm working on, cause it has my two favorite pairings. :3**

**New chapter soon! Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**The Taste Of Pain: Let It Die**

Birchfall lay in the medicine cat's den, his eyes closed tight. He could hear Berrynose's voice, just outside of the cave, but he couldn't block it out. He couldn't completely ignore it, no matter how much he wanted to. If he could ignore him, it wouldn't hurt so bad. But he couldn't. His heart was overruling his mind.

"I said he can't have any visitors!" Leafpool's voice hissed in exasperation from outside the den.

"And why not! You're acting like he's dying, so what in Starclan's name am I supposed to do! If I could just see him-"

"I said no, Berrynose," Leafpool whispered, "Now please, go back to the warriors den and get some sleep."

Birchfall kept his eyes closed as Leafpool walked past him and back into the deeper reaches of the den towards her nest. He sighed, and covered his muzzle with his front paws. Every breath hurt, and not just from the claw marks and wounds all over his body. Anguish at what he was doing to Berrynose laced through him.

"Stop pretending to be asleep," A voice whispered near where the autumn furred warrior was laying.

Birchfall's eyes cracked open slowly to see Jaypaw sitting with his back to him, looking out at the stars through the cave entrance. "Why are you doing this to him?" The silver-gray apprentice asked. "You're the one who requested that no one should see you." he turned sightless blue eyes at the warrior. "And you said a _fox_ did this. Liar. I may not be able to see, but I know a fox's claws are wider than the wounds you have. And I smelled the blood on Honeyfern and Poppyfrost. Why are you lying?"

The small warrior's eyes glazed over with tears. "I don't want him to know . . . He'll blame himself. I'm the one who's really at fault, I was the one . . ." He covered his face with a paw, choking back a sob. "I won't be with him anymore! I can't! I don't want Starclan to take him away from me! Even if he hates me after this . . . I wont let him die!"

Jaypaw's eyes narrowed, their blue hue reflecting a slight trace of understanding. "Even so . . . He'll only hurt worse, alone."

^-^ ^-^ ^-^

Birchfall drew in another shaky breath as he watched Berrynose approach him form across the clearing of the Thunderclan camp. He had to do this. He could watch Berrynose go what he had gone through a quarter moon ago when Honeyfern had nearly killed him. He wouldn't let him die.

"Birchfall!" Berrynose mewed, reaching out to press his nose to his companion's.

The autumn furred warrior flinched away, and his blue eyes widened as he saw a hurt look cross Berrynose's face.

"Birch? What's wrong?"

The autumn furred tabby drew in yet another painful breath. "Berrynose . . . I'm done."

"Done with what?" The warrior asked uncertainly, "with healing? I heard

already-"

"Done with you."

Berrynose's eyes flashed in pain, "w-what are you saying . . ."

Birchfall turned his back to the larger warrior, hunching up his shoulders. He didn't want to see that look. _Berrynose . . . I'm so sorry! I'm doing this . . . Because I love you! I love you so much that it hurts! And I wont watch you suffer because of me! _"I'm done playing around with you," he hissed, holding back any emotion form his voice. "I realized that I'm not like you. I don't like other toms . . ." he inhaled deeply to hold back a gasp at his own words. "I'm with Whitewing now . . ."

Berrynose's paw wrapped around Birchfall's shoulders and he forced the smaller cat to face him. "What are you saying!? That you don't love me anymore? Why? Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Birchfall . . . Please . . ." His voice cracked,

"I . . . I love you so much Birchfall . . ."

"Then keep that love to yourself," Birchfall's heart tore as he saw the cream furred warrior flinch, and release his grip on him. "I don't care about you anymore, Berrynose. I'm Whitewing's mate now."

The cream furred warrior backed away, his amber eyes rimmed with grief.

"Then . . . I'm sorry . . . But I . . ." His eyes turned defiant, and cold, "I'm never going to _stop_ loving you!" Tears drizzled down his cheeks, hitting the stone ground of the quarry. "Birch . . . You are my entire _life_. If I just let you go and move on . . . I won't be Berrynose anymore . . ."

Birchfall turned around, and padded off into the forest. "Then don't be. It'll be easier for us both to forget then." The autumn furred warrior took off into the undergrowth, praying Berrynose wouldn't follow.

_Oh Starclan . . . I should have never . . . I should have never done this to him! If we had never been together in the first place, it wouldn't hurt this bad! What have we done?_

Berrynose sank down onto the ground, rubbing his eyes with his paw as if that would stop the tears. "What did I do . . . Starclan . . . This isn't fair! All I wanted was to stay by his side! I know that you did something!" He turned angry eyes to the sky, "Bring him back to me!" He yowled.

"He ran away? Oh no . . ."

The cream furred warrior turned to look at the speaker, and Honeyfern smiled at him. "Are you okay? Would you like to talk about it?"

He shook his head, "not right now Honeyfern, but thank you." He padded into the forest, heading in the opposite direction from where the other warrior had gone.

"It won't be long now," Honeyfern whispered, "soon you'll be _mine._"

RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE

La li lo . . . Next chapter skips ahead a great deal in time, as we start to enter the arc of Sunrise. Cause there is like . . . No BerryBirch in Long Shadows. Btw, the last three (that's including this one) chapters took place during Eclipse. And after this, we'll be zooming in on two particular events in Sunrise. And you should be able to at least guess one of them. Nah? And after that (like, two or three chapters from now) the story will be taking a break until Omen Of the Stars comes out. So I can search it's pages for BerryBirch fluff! And if there is none . . . Umm . . . I don't know what I'll do . . . (Pleaze Erins! Make me sum fluff!)

Oh, one more thing, I got an email form The Erin's Editor! She complimented me on the art I gave to Vicky at the tour and told me how she and Vicky looked at it. And how she had to explain to her what Slash was. Vicky thought it was funny, but thought FireTiger and JayLion and JayBreeze were weird. Hahahahahaha . . . And I gave them the link to my fics, so Erin's, if ur reading this, please don't be disturbed by my weird mind!


	9. Chapter 9

**The Taste Of Pain: Turn Away**

"Brambleclaw, you know the way to the Sun-Drown-Place," Firestar announced. "You'll lead the patrol. Brackenfur, Hazeltail, and Birchfall can go with you."

Birchfall blinked in surprise. The ground seemed to give way beneath him for a moment, and he glanced at Whitewing as a stabilizing point. "I have to go . . . To the Sun-Drown-Place?" He whispered.

For the past four or so moons, the small autumn furred warrior had done his best to try and move on from Berrynose. Whitewing was even carrying his kits now. But their love was just a ploy to the rest of the clan. He loved her, true, but merely as a friend, and she felt the same. But she was the one who insisted they have kits together, when Honeyfern had started getting on his tail again, suspicious.

It wasn't as if he didn't want to go to the Sun-Drown-Place, he did. But his motives for that were a lot stronger than most of his clanmates. If it turned out that Sol did indeed kill Ashfur, Birchfall himself would carry out his punishment. Ashfur had been his mentor, his friend, his uncle. And then, he'd just suddenly turned up dead. And not just dead, killed.

Birchfall had wondered more than once in the past few days whether it was Starclan's retribution once more.

Berrynose shifted on his paws as Birchfall's name was called. He'd be leaving, gone for awhile. Possibly never coming back. The cream furred warrior blinked his golden eyes, feeling his heart tear.

He'd tried so hard the past few moons to forget. But he couldn't. Birchfall was always nearby, always with in his grasp. And yet, still so far away. He didn't understand what had happened between them, it just didn't make any sense. One minute, they'd been happy, the whole clan seemed fine or uncaring about their relationship. And then the

next . . .

The young warrior had thought more than once that it was possible that some cat had hurt Birchfall, rather than the fox he said had caused his wounds. At first, he'd thought it might be Ashfur, the way the older warrior had acted after the fire. But then, Ashfur had died. And even before that, Ashfur had been one of the few cat's Birchfall talked to.

For some reason, the small warrior had been unusually unsociable since he'd been scarred. The cat's he conversed with were few and far between. Mostly consisting of Whitewing, Ashfur, and his parents, Dustpelt and Ferncloud.

Berrynose had tried to narrow down any possible cat's who could have hurt Birchfall from those he didn't talk to. But that was nearly impossible. How could someone of his own clan hurt another cat like that. If they were in Shadowclan, maybe. But this was Thunderclan.

Berrynose tried to find a way to convince his clan that the patrol was useless, to no avail. He'd even gone so far as to suggest that a Shadowclan cat had killed Ashfur, while working for Sol. And that they should go to Shadowclan first.

And so, the next morning dawned. The ground was covered in frost, and mist clouded the air. Berrynose rose from the warriors den not long after he heard Birchfall get up for his breakfast. Somehow, he felt that this journey was wrong, and that Birchfall leaving on it would turn out to be disastrous.

"You take care of yourself, and get plenty of rest," Birchfall mewed to Whitewing. "Eat lot's of fresh kill and tell Leafpool if you feel anything-"

"Hush," Whitewing interrupted, "I'll be fine I'm not the only cat who ever gave birth." She licked his ears affectionately, her voice lowering to a low whisper. "But will you be, Birchfall?" She gave a swift, indicative glance over her shoulder to where Berrynose was sitting in the dirt, staring at the ground. The cream furred warriors eyes were glazed, and full of anguish.

Birchfall followed her gaze for an instant, before turning away. "I have to go," He whispered. The patrol began to head out of the quarry, the small autumn warrior dragging his paws at the back.

Berrynose watched his receding back, his heart breaking. _He's not going to say anything. He's just going to walk away . . ._ He blinked, and felt his throat constrict in remorse. "B-Birchfall!"

The small warrior slowly turned his head, until his eyes met Berrynose's, the cream warrior holding his gaze.

"Make sure you come back," Berrynose mewed softly.

RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE

Shoooorrt chapter . . . Sorry. But I want to split the last four chapters up accordingly. I was just going to leave this part out, but I decided against it. There will only be three chapters left after this. Any more BerryBirch will be set in the Omen Of The Stars time period, and thus, a different story.

Pleaze check out my new story also, called "Every Time, My Heart Will Reach Yours."

It's an Alternate Universe Warriors fic with the main pairing being FireTiger. But it will have other pairings too, maybe BerryBirch. It's two chapters so far. :3


	10. Chapter 10

The Taste Of Pain: Almost Here

**Birchfall stared down at the dark, churning, vast expanse of water before him. He'd lived through a lot, a forest crashing down around him, a journey through pitiless mountains, an eclipse, and a fire. And yet this . . . This didn't even compare.**

**When he'd heard stories of the Sun-Drown-Place, he'd never imagined it to be like this. It was true, no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't see any land on the other side of the vast expanse of water.**

**Slowly, the patrol made their way down the rock of the gully. Wind whipped around overhead, and yet never dipped down into the sheltered indents of the rocks. Birchfall balanced on the edge of one of the rocky precipices, watching as his clanmates skidded down into a deeper gully below. As he stepped down to follow them, his paws slipped on the damp, crumbling rocks.**

**The autumn furred warrior's breath caught in his throat as he hurtled head over heals down the slopping rock face. He heard Hazeltail's startled mew as he crashed into her, and they skidded to a halt.**

**Brackenfur leered over them, annoyance in his eyes. This wasn't the first time on this journey that Birchfall had messed up. He'd almost gotten them hit by a monster too.**

"**Th-thanks!" Birchfall gasped.**

"**Just watch where you're putting your paws," Brackenfur muttered.**

**The group continued on down the gully, they stopped for awhile above a hole that led down into a cave. Brambleclaw explained that it was Midnight's den. But the badger was long gone, and it would be useless for them to wait for her.**

**They had more important things to do anyways. Like finding Sol. And determining if he was Ashfur's killer.**

**Birchfall's heart constricted. **_**Ashfur . . .**_** His mentor, one of his best friends, one of the only cat's he could rely on when he left Berrynose. And now he was gone. Just like that, he was dead. And not just dead, **_**murdered**_**. It was highly possible that it was Sol. Just as much as it was possible that it was one of his own clanmates.**

_**It could even be someone who's on this journey with us . . .**_

**The small warrior's eyes raked over the rest of the patrol. It couldn't be Lionblaze, Ashfur had been his mentor. And that just didn't seem like something he would do. And Hazeltail was out of the question. That she-cat was always off in her own little world, chasing butterflies and eating daisies.**

**And Brackenfur . . . It was highly unlikely that he had anything to do with it. He may be a grump sometimes, but he was nice. Plus, having a total fluff-head like Graystripe as your mentor made it impossible for you to have even remotely evil thoughts.**

**Then there was Brambleclaw. Out of anyone in the group, he would probably have the most motive against Ashfur. But even after the two had fought over Squirrelflight, they'd remained good companions. Plus, Ashfur had never really even wanted Firestar's daughter. He had used a relationship with her to cover up his love for Sootfur. And the grudge against her was for Sootfur as well. Squirrelflight had been the last cat to see Sootfur alive, and Ashfur blamed her for his death.**

**It couldn't be Brambleclaw. Birchfall's eyes turned to the final member of the group, Hollyleaf. There was something he didn't like about her. The way her eyes never held any remorse for Ashfur as he was buried. The darkness hidden behind her smile since the fire.**

**And now that he thought about it, Hollyleaf had been hunting near the river between Thunderclan and Windclan the day Ashfur had died. In fact, **_**she**_** was the one who had said she'd seen Sol there. What if . . . What if that had been a lie . . .**

**His eyes widened, and he glanced over at her. It couldn't be, could it? "Hollyleaf . . ." he waited as she turned to look at him, "it couldn't be that you . . . You're the one that . . ."**

**The black she-cat's emerald eyes narrowed, realization flickering in them.**

**Suddenly, a huge wave crashed over Birchfall from where he was a few tail-lengths below her. His claws instinctively grasped hold of the edge of the rock, and he tried to pull himself up to safety. But as his head broke the surface of the water, he saw Hollyleaf looking down at him with cold, green eyes. Her paw stretched out, and for a moment he hoped she'd help him. But she slid that paw underneath his claws on the edge of the rock, and he was thrown back into the icy gray water.**

**The water churned the small warrior over and over. He flailed his paws, desperate to reach the surface. His head broke above the waves for a second, and he wailed in terror before he was pulled under again.**

_**I'm going to die! I'm going to drown here in these relentless waves. I can't even drag my body up to the surface long enough to even attempt to reach the shore . . .**_** The air he held in his lungs was starting to escape as another wave pounded into him.**_** Berrynose . . .**_

**Birchfall's mind whirled backwards, to the moment he treasured more than any other. **_**". . . Even if I didn't think that I . . . Was falling in love with you . . ." **_

_**Berrynose . . . Oh Starclan . . . I'm so sorry, Berrynose. I love you, so much that it hurts. Every day it hurts! It wasn't fair for us, it never was. Why couldn't the world have just let us be! And now I'm going to die without ever telling you how sorry I am . . .**_

**The small warrior gasped, air escaping him as he felt strong paws grasp him around his chest. He opened his eyes, and found himself staring into a pair of dark blue ones. The cat before him pressed his face against the side of Birchfall's cheek, and the warrior felt a new energy flow into him. His paws touched the splotched gray fur of the cat, "Ashfur . . ."**

**Ashfur smiled a small, sad, smile. "Be strong for me, my little warrior . . . This isn't the end. I'm not going to leave you." **

**Another pair of paws grasped Birchfall around the chest, and Ashfur's eyes rose up to the new cat. Brambleclaw's amber eyes widened in the salty water as Ashfur looked at him. The gray furred warrior's eyes glazed, "I never once blamed you . . . Brambleclaw. I'm sorry for what I did to you."**

**The next thing Birchfall knew, he was being dragged up onto the rocky shore above the waves. He coughed, vomiting out water from his stomach and lungs. Lionblaze bent over him, concern in his eyes, "are you alright?"**

**Birchfall nodded weakly, "yeah . . . I just . . . Want to go home . . ."**

**RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE**

**Dumdidumdidum . . . Only two more chapter leeeeefft! *sing song voice* I never expected the fic to go on for this long eve, or get so much support! And next chapter, the scene you've all been waiting for! *drum roll***

**Also, I hope no one hates how I've portrayed Ashfur. But I love him, he's one of my favorite characters. And I'm still dieing to know whether he'll end up in Place Of No Stars or Starclan. I mean, Mudclaw went to Starclan, so why not Ashy? Ash will be making an appearance next chapter too. In fact, you'll be surprised how he shows up.**


	11. Chapter 11

**The Taste Of Pain: Tomorrow Is Too Late**

Berrynose lay sprawled out across the flat rocks above the Highledge. Beside him, Lionblaze was curled up, his fluffy orange tail tucked over his nose. The group had safely returned with Sol a quarter moon ago. But apparently, Sol had had nothing to do with Ashfur's death. The cream furred warrior lay his head on his paws with a sigh.

While Birchfall had been gone, he'd really given serious thought to trying to forget the other warrior. But that hadn't really helped when Birchfall had returned. Berrynose remembered the look in Birchfall's eyes when their eyes had met after he'd returned. The look that was identical to the regretful, uncertain look he'd seen in his love's eyes after they'd fought Shadowclan.

Berrynose blinked as Honeyfern leapt up onto the rocks beside him. She had been a good friend during all of this. He sat up a bit and began to groom her shoulder fur, listening to her quiet purr. Maybe, just maybe, a life with Honeyfern was what he needed to forget Birchfall. Although, the thought itself made him shiver. If he took Honeyfern as _mate_ . . .

The cream furred warrior decided that he definitely hunted with the weird crowd if he thought the process of making kits with a she-cat was gross. His eyes strayed down to where Graystripe's kits were playing down below. They were so small, so

cute . . . So noisy. But he wouldn't mind having a kit or two.

Berrynose leaned close to the she-cat's ear, and experimentally whispered, "we'll have kits like that one day."

Honeyfern looked up at him, blinking shyly, "I'd like that."

The older warrior glanced away, guilt creeping over him. If he really cared for her, like a mate should, wouldn't his heart be pounding? Wouldn't he be happy to hear those words? He leaned down and licked her shoulder again, "You'll make a wonderful mother."

_Starclan . . . Help me forget him. I can't do this any longer. I just can't live like this, with this agony. Make it stop._ He leaned against the golden furred she-cat, repressing a sigh.

Suddenly, Lionblaze scrambled to his paws beside them. Honeyfern jumped away from Berrynose, and down onto the ground below. Berrynose stood up, wondering what was happening. Honeyfern streaked across the ground, faster than he'd ever seen any cat move before. She hit Briarkit with her paw, causing the little cat to skid across the dirt away from the long, dark shadow that was creeping out of a crack in the side of the cliff face.

Before Berrynose could move, Honeyfern screeched as the snake leered up, and struck her in the shoulder. "Help!" She gasped, "Somebody help me!"

Beside him, Lionblaze leapt into action faster than Berrynose could breath. He leapt down into the camp racing across the ground, "Help! Come Quick! Honeyfern's been bitten by a snake!"

Berrynose made his way slowly down the rocks, shock coursing through him. This couldn't be . . . It was all wrong . . . A crowd had gathered around Honeyfern's body, and Berrynose scanned the throng with pleading eyes. But the one the cat he needed the most right now, was not among them.

"Stand back and give me some room," Leafpool ordered as she pushed her way through the cats.

"I'm not leaving," Berrynose said. He crouched down beside the golden furred she-cat. But Leafpool didn't make a move to do anything to help her. He stared at Honeyfern, horrified as her body began to spasm and jerk with the pain the poison was causing.

"Help me! My blood is on fire!" She writhed on the ground, "Help me, please! It hurts so much!"

Berrynose jerked his eyes up to Leafpool, "Do something!" He turned to the crowd, "one of you, do something!"

"There's nothing I can do. The poison has taken hold of her," Leafpool whispered.

The cream furred warrior crouched over Honeyfern, anguish gripping him. He stroked her fur with one paw apologetically. "We would have had wonderful kit's together . . . Just as strong and beautiful as you are. And one day, I'll see you in Starclan."

The golden she-cat's voice rasped something, and Berrynose leaned over her to catch her words. "No you wont . . ." she hissed, her eyes glazed over, flashing faintly with something he'd never seen before. "There's no place in Starclan for cat's like you."

Berrynose felt shock grip him, and he glanced swiftly around the other cat's to see if they had heard. "You saved Briarkit's life," he whispered, "every cat in Starclan will honor you."

Honeyfern's breathing was ragged, "no. they will honor me for much more." A dark smile crossed her features as her eyes glazed still, "for the sinners blood I spilled."

The cream warrior felt his heart shudder as Honeyfern fell still. It couldn't

be . . . Could she really be the one that . . .

He hardly noticed as Brackenfur led him away from her body. His eyes rose from where the older warrior had left him outside the warrior's den, taking in the sight of the rest of his clanmates returning to camp.

Birchfall stood frozen just inside the entrance, his eyes fixed on Honeyfern's body. "What happened . . ." He whispered.

"A snake," Jayfeather said from beside him. The gray furred medicine cat flicked his ears towards where Firestar and Graystripe were talking.

"She shouldn't have died so fast," Firestar was saying. "even the snakes we had back in the forest didn't have that much venom."

"This wasn't the same kind, it wasn't an adder," Graystripe murmured. "It was too big. And it was a gray-black. Not dark green. I've only seen one once before. Lionheart caught it back in the old forest after it killed a cat. I think he called it . . .

An . . ." He lowered his voice. "an Ashwinder."

Birchfall's eyes widened as Jayfeather relayed the words to him. He glanced at where Lionblaze and a few other warriors were watching the side of the cliff. That was the place, the exact place, near the nursery, where Sootfur had been killed. He remembered that Ashfur had shown him that spot more than once.

Slowly, he padded over towards where Whitewing was crouched near Honeyfern's body. His blue eyes drew in the sight of Berrynose sitting in the dirt, his eyes glazed as he stared at the lifeless she-cat. Birchfall flicked his ears in the cream warrior's direction, yet leaned towards Whitewing.

"I wont loose you to Starclan. Not for a long, long time."

Berrynose jerked his head up, looking up at Birchfall. The small warrior had his tail twined with Whitewing's, leaning against her. But his blue eyes were directed at Berrynose.

RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE

Sooooo hard to write . . . The first time I read that last line Birchfall said, I really thought he had said it to Berrynose. The way he pointed his ears towards him and all. And that line was actually the entire inspiration that spurned this fic into life.

Did you catch on to the Ashfur appearance? Ashwinder is a real kind of snake I think. (too lazy to look, but I think I saw it in a book once, otherwise I have no idea where the name came from.)

Also . . . The song that inspired this chapter, is "If Today Was Your Last Day" by Nickleback. It's very BerryBirch themed. Listen to it.

ADD ON

Omg. Watching jeopardy right now, and one of the players is named Tui. And I thought. "hey, that's the name of the author in the Erin's that does Seekers." and then, Alex talked to all the contestants and goes, "Tui Sutherland" and I went "OH MY GOD!!!! IT'S TUI! OMGOMGOMG!!!!"

An Erin on jeopardy. Hahahahaha. And right now, they're talking about cat sex. Literally, that's a category.


	12. Chapter 12

**The Taste Of Pain: The One I Need**

Berrynose stood up and shook his fur, pulling himself up and away from the bare patch of ground where Hollyleaf's body should have lain. So many young cats seemed to have died in just the past few moons. Ashfur, Honeyfern, and now Hollyleaf. His eyes rose up towards the nursery, where Birchfall was peering inside.

Except for Ashfur, the small warrior hadn't sat vigil for either one of the other warriors. Berrynose blinked, remembering Honeyfern's last words. _"for the sinners blood I spilled."_

Could it really be, that she was the one all along, who had given Birchfall the deep scars that lay hidden under his fur? There were many that were still visible too. The tear on his right ear, the long white scar across his cheek . . .

The cream furred warrior slowly approached the autumn furred tom. Birchfall didn't look up from what he was doing as Berrynose approached, a great difference in how he'd acted before Honeyfern's death. "Honeyfern . . . Was the one that hurt you, wasn't she," he whispered slowly.

Birchfall glanced over his shoulder at him, sky blue eyes swimming with emotion. But he said nothing. Whitewing emerged from the nursery, followed by two tiny, wide eyed kits. "They just opened their eyes," Birchfall explained as she led them out a little farther into the center of camp.

A crowd had started to gather around the little kits as they stumbled out into the dawn light. Jayfeather and Lionblaze sat near the front, the kittens staring up at them with curious stares. Lionblaze leaned against his brother, "hello little kits, welcome to Thunderclan."

Sandstorm nodded in agreement, "this one has such fluffy gray fur. And the little one's tabby and white pelt is so pretty. Have you given them names yet?"

Beside Berrynose, Birchfall nodded. "Yes. We've called the gray one Dovekit, and the tabby and white one is Ivykit."

"Those are beautiful names," Brightheart purred.

Berrynose watched the kits stumble away from Lionblaze and Jayfeather, the two brothers whispering something to each other. The cream furred warrior turned his attention to Birchfall.

The small warrior was watching his kits pad around the circle of cats with pride filled eyes. Berrynose smiled, "why did you name them that? It sounds like you gave it a lot of thought."

"I did," Birchfall replied, "I thought about it for a long time." He flicked his tail towards the two kits, "Dovekit, for the purity and freedom we should be allowed to have in life . . . And in love." He kept his eyes trained on the kits, not looking at Berrynose. "And Ivykit, for the strength of bonds between cats, as strong and lasting as thick ivy."

Berrynose's eyes widened as he felt Birchfall's tail gently overlap his. "We can't go back . . . To how it was, Berrynose," Birchfall whispered quietly. "But . . . I'd like it if we could at least . . . At least sleep beside each other at night again. And sit like this. Nothing more. Nothing less."

The cream furred warrior nodded, "I'd like that."

"Just a relationship of good friends," Birchfall whispered, "or brothers. Because there are still cats who would hurt us for anything more than that. No matter what we feel."

Berrynose nodded again, "that's okay." He looked away, "Honeyfern was the one that hurt you, wasn't she. That's why you didn't sit vigil for her. And Hollyleaf . . ." He glanced at Birchfall, "what did Hollyleaf do?"

"That's not for me to say," Birchfall mewed, "it's not for me to say, when I can't even say for sure if she's really dead." He flicked his tail towards where Jayfeather and Lionblaze were still sharing a whispered conversation. "Until they reveal what really happened to Hollyleaf, I wont say what I saw in her eyes."

Berrynose narrowed his eyes, wondering exactly what that meant, but deciding not to pry any further. "I'm glad, that you can finally be happy now, Birchfall."

"Not as happy as I want to be," Birchfall mewed, glancing at Berrynose, "the time I spent with you will never rival anything else. But I . . ." he turned his eyes to the kits twining his tail fully around Berrynose's, "I think that I can be almost as happy, just like this"

"Yeah," Berrynose whispered, his eyes also falling to the two tiny kits. "I

think . . . That we can have hope for the future. For your kits. And for other cats like us."

"And as long as you stay right here, like you are now . . . I'll believe it," Birchfall replied.

**You know that silence is loud,**

**You know that here is your heart.**

**And I wanted so badly**

**Just to be a part,**

**Of something strong and true.**

**But I was scared and left it all behind.**

**I know you had to go away,**

**I died just a little**

**And I feel that now you're**

**The one I need**

**And I believe that I would**

**Cry just a little,**

**Just to have you back now,**

**Here with me.**

Here With Me: Michelle Branch

FINAL NOTE

The above is the song that inspired the fic. Awww. . . I feel all sad now. I'd like to thank everyone who read this fic. It's had over five hundred views, and more reviews than I remember. And is probably the most popular warriors Slash fic out there. And I couldn't have gotten this far without all of you, your reviews helped me keep writing. You know, I originally planned this fic to simply be a six chapter deal, but it turned into this! Thank you for making me work hard! *sweat* I hope you keep being BerryBirch fans, and give Erin hell on tours by raising your slash fandom flags high.

I have tentative plans for two more Warriors slash fics right now, and the first chapter of at least one of them should be out by the end of summer, hopefully. I'd like to wrap up "Connected Dream" first. And Hopefully "Love Rebound" as well. Until then, I am working on an AU warriors Slash, "Every Time, My Heart Will Reach Yours."

But I'll give you a little preview of the two Slash fics I'm planning for you all. Hehehehehe . . .

One will be AshSoot (I bet you're all going, "Yeesh! Finally!") and will take place during the end of the first series, up through Sootfur's death in New Prophecy.

The other will be a new pairing I just randomly thought of while watching Full Metal Alchemist for the first time. (and no, it was not inspired by Elricest. No likey. It was RoyEd inspired.) it will take place in a clan other than Thunderclan, and will thus be a bit of a challenge to write. It will be in Shadowclan, focusing on the brotherly lurve relationship of Tigerpaw and Flamepaw. *gets shot*

I hope to see you all again soon! *waves* I'll be starting on one of these after I finish "Connected Dream" and get back from vacation at the end of July hopefully!

*HUGS EVERYONE*


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